


The Prince and the Pea

by honeybearbee



Series: Fairy Tale Meme [4]
Category: Bandom, Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fairy Tale, Fairy Tale Retellings, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-22
Updated: 2017-07-22
Packaged: 2018-12-05 06:31:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11572341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/honeybearbee/pseuds/honeybearbee
Summary: Spencer needs to find a husband, but it’s difficult with a friend like Ryan





	The Prince and the Pea

**Author's Note:**

> For the Fairy Tale Meme. For eloquentice. Beta-ed by angelcakes694, belle_bing, and thinkme_naive

Spencer sighed as he watched his parents leave the castle. The last thing his mom said before she left for her trip was, “Make sure he finds a _good_ husband, Ryan.”

Ryan had been Spencer’s best friend since forever, and when it came to Spencer finding the best husband in the universe; Ryan was the best at sorting out the good ones. However, Ryan was pickier than Spencer’s mother when it came to husbands. Spencer knew that Ryan wanted someone to be absolutely perfect for Spencer the way Brendon was for Ryan.

Brendon was dancing and humming in the lounge. Brendon was from a small family in the village and he began working at the Smith castle four years ago and instantly fell in love with Ryan. It took a while, but with Spencer’s help, Brendon got Ryan to love him back. They were married last year and were very happy. Ryan and Brendon were determined to help Spencer fins his own true love. “Ryan, dance with me!” he cried. Ryan shook his head no, but Brendon grabbed him anyway and spun him around the room.

Spencer sighed again as he watched them. That’s what he wanted. A man who was playful, but had a serious side. And, obviously, he would have to get along with his friends. Spencer had had many men come and try to marry him. None had passed the test Ryan and his mom had set up. Many had called Brendon a moron. Many had the nerve to mock Ryan and his fashion choices. Others had made disparaging remarks about Ryan and Brendon’s families. Spencer glared at those ones until they left. He stood up and stretched. “Come on you guys, I’m starving.”

“Last one there’s a rotten egg,” said Brendon as he raced out the door.

Ryan and Spencer laughed as they followed.

****************

After dinner the three boys walked back into the lounge. Brendon looked out one of the windows.

“It’s really coming down out there,” he said.

There was a crack of thunder and a flash of light. Brendon jumped back. “Whoa!”

“Brendon?” asked Ryan.

“I’m fine, Ry, I was just surprised.”

Ryan nodded and turned to Spencer. “Now,” he said. “I have a list. Any potential suitor has to meet each and every point on the list.”

“I helped him make,” grinned Brendon. He flopped down next to his husband. “I added that one, and that one.” He pointed to two hastily written additions to the list.

Spencer groaned and put his head in his hands. “What does it say?”

“I’m glad you asked,” replied Ryan. He cleared his throat and began to read. “One: Must be of Royal Blood. Two: Must handle Spencer’s bitchiness. Three: Must deal with Brendon and Ryan. Four: Must get along with family and friends of Spencer. Five: Must not be a douche. Six: Must be hot. Seven: Must like animals. Eight: Must have musical talent. Nine: Must realize sometimes Ryan does come first. Ten: Must not be rude to Brendon, at all. Eleven: Must like Disney. Twelve: Must like shopping, or at least won’t mind watching Spencer, Ryan, and Brendon shop.”

Spencer started at his two friends. “Are you serious?”

“Absolutely,” said Ryan. “All of these are vital.”

“Even the Disney one?”

Brendon gasped. “Spencer! Disney is a way of life.”

Spencer rolled his eyes.

************

Later that night, there was a bang on the castle door. The boys didn’t hear it at first because it coincided with a roll of thunder. Then there was another bang and all three boys rushed down the stairs. Brendon flung the door open and saw a bedraggled man standing there.

“Hello,” said the man. “My carriage broke down and my driver saw the castle. I started here, but it started raining. May I come in?”

Brendon nodded. “Sure. I’ll get you some towels. I’m Brendon Urie.” He stuck out his hand.

“Jon Walker,” replied the man as he took Brendon’s hand. He looked around the castle. “I thought this was the Smith Castle? I heard that the Smiths only want Princes to marry their son, so I came to see if I could. Marry him that is.”

“Oh it is. Ryan and I are staying here.” Brendon left to get the towels.

Jon made to walk inside, but Ryan called out, “Don’t move!”

Jon froze.

“Those are very expensive rugs. I’m Ryan Ross-Urie. And why do you want to wed Spencer?”

“Because I heard he’s very beautiful and very nice. Nice to meet you,” said Jon as he put his hand out.

Ryan snorted as he carefully shook Jon’s hand. “I don’t need you getting mud all over the place. Mrs. Smith would kill me.”

“She loves you too much Ryan,” said Spencer. He walked closer to Jon and held out his hand. “Spencer Smith.”

“A pleasure.” Jon shook Spencer’s hand and Spencer felt something flow through him.

Ryan looked between the two of them and sighed in aggravation. He had no clue who this man was and he certainly didn’t plan on letting Spencer fall in love with him. He yanked Spencer’s hand away and said, “Why don’t you make some tea?”

Spencer nodded and went to the kitchen. At that time, Brendon came back with the towels. “Here you are Jon Walker. Are you some sort of Prince?”

“Thank you kindly and yes.” Jon took the towels and carefully dried off. “Perhaps I could clean up better in the kitchen?”

Ryan nodded. “Just avoid the rugs.” He marched off to help Spencer.

Brendon smiled at Jon. “Don’t worry about him. He’s always like that. Do you like Disney?”

*****************

As Brendon and Jon talked Disney, Ryan and Spencer were talking about Jon.

“I have an idea. He must think anyone can marry you. He says he’s some sort of Prince, but I want to prove it.”

“And how do you want to do that Ryan?” Spencer asked.

“I want to but a pea on his bed.”

“That doesn’t even make sense.”

“No, Spence. I’m going to put the pea on the bed and then pile up all the mattresses I can find. A true Prince would be able to feel the pea through all those mattresses.”

“It still doesn’t make any sense.”

*****************

Ryan showed Jon to his room. “I hope you don’t mind sleeping so far away from the rest of the bedrooms. Those are for family only and I thought you might be more comfortable in the guest quarters.”

“No not at all.” Jon opened the door and stared at the bed.

Ryan coughed. “I just thought that these might be more comfortable than one mattress.”

“Yes, twenty-two mattresses are usually more comfortable than one.”

Ryan grinned and left. Jon looked at the bed and then grabbed the ladder near by and climbed to the top.

**************

The next morning, the four of them sat in the kitchen eating breakfast. Spencer and Ryan kept glancing at each other and then Jon. Brendon and Jon were singing ‘A Whole New World’ from _Aladdin_. Ryan coughed.

“Jon,” he began. “Where did you say you were from?”

“I didn’t,” Jon smiled. “But I’m a Prince from Chicago. I wanted to see if Spencer would marry me.” He looked at Spencer and smiled shyly.

“So you said. Any reason why?”

“His beauty is told throughout the land.”

“Is that it?” Ryan glared.

“Of course not! I had heard from some friends, Pete and Patrick, that Spencer was pretty awesome. And his hips were something to look out for,” Jon said slyly.

Ryan scoffed. Spencer twitched but said nothing. Brendon sighed and said, “Let’s use the list.”

“Fine.” Ryan dug out the list and read it backwards. “Do you like shopping, or at least don’t mind watching us shop?”

“I don’t mind it, but I could watch you guys and hold onto your bags.”

“Do you like Disney?”

“Yes.”

“Will you be rude to Brendon?”

“No, man. He’s too cute.”

Ryan glared, but continued. “Do you realize I come first to Spencer sometimes?”

“I have a best friend like that, so Spencer’s going to have to recognize that as well.”

Spencer nodded while he took a sip of coffee.

“Do you have any musical talent?” asked Ryan.

“I can play bass, piano, and a few others.”

“Hmm. Do you like animals?”

“I have two cats, Dylan and Clover. Dylan can play fetch. I like dogs too.”

“Well, we know you aren’t a douche,” said Brendon firmly.

“Thanks,” replied Jon with a grin.

“We know he gets along with me and you, so Spence’s family should be easy,” pointed out Brendon.

Ryan nodded. “And he can deal with us.”

“But, can he handle Spencer’s bitchiness.” They turned to look at Jon. He was poking Spencer in the side.

“Come on, Spencer. You can’t be so cranky in the morning. The sun is out and the birds are singing.”

Spencer growled. “The birds can bite me.”

Jon laughed.

Ryan made a note. “Finally, are you of Royal Blood?”

Jon twitched in his seat. 

“What’s wrong?” asked Brendon. He had no clue what Ryan and Spencer had done.

“It’s just that my back hurts. And I hardly slept all night. It felt like there was a rock in my bed. Even with all those mattresses.”

“What?”

“Never mind, Brendon. I’ll tell you later,” Ryan said hurriedly. “However, I can say that Jon Walker is of Royal Blood.”

“What did you two do?”

“Nothing,” Ryan denied.

“I know you Ross.”

“Ross-Urie.”

Brendon beamed. “Don’t think that gets you out of telling me.” He grabbed Ryan’s arm and dragged him into the castle.

Jon and Spencer watched them leave. “So,” said Jon.

“So?”

Jon smiled and kissed Spencer.

“It was a pea,” blurted Spencer.

Jon looked at him.

“It wasn’t a rock. It was a pea.” He told Jon of Ryan’s plan.

Jon cocked his head. “That kind of makes sense.”

Spencer smiled and kissed Jon again.

THE END


End file.
